“I was so poor growing up…if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“When I was born…the doctor came into the waiting room…and told my father, ‘I’m sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“I’m so ugly…I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“I went to see my doctor. I told him, ‘Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror…I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?’ He said, ‘I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.’” -Rodney Dangerfield
“Save the planet?….The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” -George Carlin
“Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, ‘Do you think we’ll ever find them?’ He answered, ‘I don’t know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“Poor is a state of mind. Broke is a state of wallet. You can fix being broke; it’s not so easy to fix being poor.” -Ric Edelman
